home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
Suzy B Software 2
/
Suzy B Software CD-ROM 2 (1994).iso
/
programm
/
prog_a2m
/
footshot
/
footshot.asc
< prev
Wrap
Text File
|
1995-05-02
|
3KB
|
77 lines
FORUM>Reply, Add, Read, "?" or Exit>
45483 21-DEC 22:43 Programming
Shoot Yourself in the foot...
From: PLEFEBVRE To: ALL
Shooting YourSelf in the ....
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which
seem to have stolen countless features from one another)
sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're
currently using. This guide is offered as a service to help
programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and
shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical
assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise
copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's
me, over there."
More?
FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you
run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If
you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no
exception-handling ability.
Modula-2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish
anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return
HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
BASIC: Shoot yourself in foot with water pistol. On big systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
More?
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring
out how to do it fewer characters.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory
handle of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the
trigger, the gun jams.
Unix: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm: .o:
No such file or directory % ls %
XBase: Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot
yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper.
More?
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users
can too.
Reveration: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as
soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have
so much fun doing it that you won't care.
Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot.
The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't
allow it to explain.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document
explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your
foot comes back deep-fried.